I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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