ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
