youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
