I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
