and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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