Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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