filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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