I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
