She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
