Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
