Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
