i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
