best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
