If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
