I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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