i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
