He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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