So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
