New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
