there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
her facebook's as public as her vagina
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
