well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize
