I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
