I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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