dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
