everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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