I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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