how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The uberlube is also flammable
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
