First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
