trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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