Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
