I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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