She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I love you.
Bad choice
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
