he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
