so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
