happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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