This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
