I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
