If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
