What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
