your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
