how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
