just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
