You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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