Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
