she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
