your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i believe in u and ur pee
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