i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
