My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
