Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
ttyl tear gas
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
