Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
