Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
