Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
