Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
