new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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