i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have tasted many bathrooms
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
