Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize